Doug Reviews: Sex Tape

See? Even the stars of the film don't want you to see this turd.

See? Even the stars of the film don’t want you to see this turd.

Congratulations need to go out to Earth to Echo, as it is no longer the worst movie of the summer. That dubious honor has now shifted to Sex Tape. It’s not only the worst of the summer, it’s the worst of the year.

Sex Tape has a premise that might fill a five-minute Saturday Night Live sketch, or at most a 30-minute sitcom, but it cannot sustain a 90-minute movie. And that’s the least of this one’s problems. Sex Tape is painfully unfunny. It feels like all those involved just threw a bunch of crap at the wall and hoped something would stick. It was almost as if Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel were acting in two different movies, neither of them good. The script, which Segel shockingly had a hand in, is a god awful mess. I say it’s shocking because, usually, I like Segel’s work, but this one is atrocious. The characters must have explained the plot to the audience at least three times, as if they had to remind people who had been bored to sleep what was going on. When they weren’t constantly re-hashing each scene, they were over-explaining every joke. That didn’t help make any of the jokes funnier. I was ready to walk out of this one multiple times.

The premise, which is spelled out in the trailer, goes thusly: a married couple, (Diaz and Segel), has lost the spark since they became parents and they try to get it back by recording themselves having sex. The video gets out as it’s sucked up into “the cloud”—a concept that is completely mishandled and misunderstood in this movie—and the couple tries to limit their exposure. Did I mention that we don’t get to this premise until we’re over 30 minutes into this thing? Again, it would have worked in sketch format—maybe—but in a film, we’re left dealing with vapid, unfunny characters and their boringly perfect lives that are on the verge of getting more perfect.

Diaz and Segel have zero chemistry and as I said, it’s almost as if they were handed two different scripts each day. The filmmakers also commit the sin of having overly precocious children who don’t understand what the grownups have them saying from scene to scene. The film’s only saving graces are appearances by Kumail Nanjiani and Rob Corddry, but Nanjiani only shows up in one scene and Corddry isn’t given enough to do. Rob Lowe is completely useless as a mogul looking to buy Diaz’s blog—his character felt like his character from Wayne’s World, but 20 years later and less interesting. This whole endeavor seemed like the cast was asked to improvise dialogue, but they all completely suck at it.

Some people may tell you to see this movie. Do not listen to them. It’s not just boring and unfunny, it’s stupid to the point of being offensive. Apparently, Segel’s character is tech-savvy enough to know how to sync up a dozen iPads, but he doesn’t know how to un-sync them. When the premise makes no logical sense, the film falls apart. Please, for the love of God, skip this movie. Go seek out Snowpiercer or Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. Hell, go see The Purge: Anarchy over this. I would have preferred to watch Trans4mers again, and I hated Trans4mers.


Rating: F


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