Oscars 2014 – Live Blog!

Ellen Oscars

The Hodgepodge Podcast’s first annual live blog of the Oscars starts at 8PM EST tonight!

Make sure to check back throughout the night for our comments on the show!

7:51PM – Dirty A and I are settling in for the show. Dirty A says Tyson Beckford looks like “Stonewall Jackson,” from the way he’s clearly reading from cue cards and is completely stonefaced. THAT IS THE JOKE.

7:53PM – Jared Leto, cut your freakin’ hair, dude. Or at least put it in a ponytail – this is a classy affair.

7:59PM – Bradley Cooper, why’d you lose that tight fro?

8:05PM – Bill Murray is lookin’ really old. 😦 Stay strong, Bill, don’t make Ghostbusters 3.

8:07PM – Jimmy Kimmel: Save it for after the show, bud. There’s no reason the pre-show has to be 90 minutes.

8:19PM – Might as well get these in before the show starts at 8:30. Doug’s picks for the major awards: Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave / Best Director: Alfonso Cuaron / Best Actor: Matthew McConnaughey (though I want Ejiofor to win) / Best Actress: Cate Blanchett / Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto (want Fassbender to win, though) / Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Lawrence.  Dirty A’s Picks: Best Picture: 12 Years a Slave / Best Director: Alfonso Cuaron / Best Actor: Matthew McConnaughey (Ejiofor should win) / Best Actress: Cate Blanchett / Best Supporting Actor: Jared Leto / Best Supporting Actress: Jennifer Lawrence (Pulling for Lupita, though)

8:25PM – 5 minutes to go!

8:30PM – All those Oscar statues look like inflated condoms.

8:31PM – Dirty A on Ellen’s outfit: Is she a vampire?

8:31PM – June Squibb, what a whore. 😉

8:33PM Lucille II!!

8:34PM – John Travolta, where did you get all that hair from?

8:35PM – Dirty A is participating in his favorite pastime: Booing Meryl Streep. I don’t know why.

8:37PM – Ellen having some fun with JLaw.

8:39PM – Ellen’s 12 Years joke was good.

8:40PM – Anne Hathaway presenting Best Supporting Actor. I’m pulling for Fassbender, but Leto is pretty much a mortal lock.

8:42PM – And predictably, Jared Leto is your Best Supporting Actor this year!

8:43PM – Leto did a great job in Dallas Buyers Club, but I gotta say, Michael Fassbender was terrifying in 12 Years a Slave. He really should have won. Nice tribute to Leto’s mother in his acceptance speech. Nice of them not to play him off during that.

8:47PM – Jim Carrey mugging as Bruce Dern.

8:48PM – Now Carrey gets to the point: Animation feature

8:49PM – It’s weird seeing all these classic animated movies next to the newer CGI cartoons.

8:51PM – Pharrell and his Smokey the Bear hat make an appearance to perform “Happy.” Love this song!

8:52PM – Dirty A: Pharrell actually has no talent – his hat is disguising a real-life Ratatouille who is controlling him.

8:56PM – Sam Jackson and Naomi Watts presenting Costume Design. Pulling for American Hustle.

8:58PM – Great Gatsby wins – I hated this film. Good work, sport.

8:59PM – Dirty A: Let me get this straight, she won for best costume and she wore THAT to the Oscars?

9:00PM – Dallas Buyers Club wins for Best Makeup, but in all honesty, Bad Grandpa should have won. Knoxville’s old man makeup was amazing.

9:02PM – HARRISON FORD!

9:03PM – Honestly, Ford should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor for 42. He was really great in that. He’s wearing a goatee. Might he need that for an older Han Solo? 🙂

9:05PM – Channing Tatum shows up to talk about some short film contest. You know, because they don’t need to watch out on the running time or anything.

9:11PM – Kim Novak needs less botox and Mud is trying to keep her on task.

9:12PM – Best Animated Short: Mr. Hublot – No idea about this, but Dirty A is very happy it won. (He has no idea either) Congratulations!

9:14PM – Best Animated Feature. Frozen is probably a mortal lock.

9:15PM – Frozen wins, surprising no one. Still have to see it. The trailer just never appealed to me.

9:17PM – Sally Field. I really like her as Aunt May, I really, really like her.

9:18PM – Sally presenting a self-congratulatory montage of inspiring films. Again, these shows don’t run long or anything.

9:20PM – JGL and Hermione presenting for Visual Effects. Dirty A would like to show Emma Watson his wand.

9:21PM – Gravity wins for Visual Effects. This film was a technical marvel and will clean up all the nuts and bolts awards tonight.

9:24PM – Zac Effron presenting Karen O to sing “The Moon Song” from Spike Jonze’s Her.

9:27PM – This Muppets commercial for Lipton Tea is adorable.

9:30PM – Kate Hudson and Jason Sudeikis presenting Live Action Short.

9:31PM – Helium wins! Didn’t see it.

9:33PM – Best Documentary Short Subject: The Lady in Number Six

9:34PM – Dirty A: That guy’s wearing a hotel rug.

9:36PM – Ellen wants to order pizza for the crowd.

9:36PM – Bradley Cooper presenting Best Documentary Feature. From what I understand, The Act of Killing should win this, but might be too brutal for the sensitive Academy Voters.

9:38PM – 20 Feet from Stardom wins Best Documentary.

9:39PM – Play her off, please. Play her off.

9:40PM – Frank Underwood strikes back. Kevin Spacey introduces the winners of the Governor Awards

9:41PM – The Governor Awards are honorary Oscars Angela Lansbury, Angie Jolie, and Steve Martin were recipients.

9:48PM – Ewan McGregor and Viola Davis present Best Foreign Language Feature

9:49PM – The Great Beauty wins for Best Foreign Language Film. I have to think that if Blue is the Warmest Color wasn’t disqualified for whatever reason, it would have won this hands down.

9:51PM – Dirty A: Tyler Perry Presents: The Oscars

9:54PM – Brad Pitt presenting U2 to perform “Ordinary Love”

9:55PM – Dirty A: This performance gives this show more of…an Edge. (Groan)

9:56PM – Great performance from U2. I’d love to see them win the Oscar, but I’m biased.

10:03PM – What was I saying about wasting time earlier? People gotta work tomorrow, Ellen!

10:04PM – The Human Torch and Veronica Mars talk about the Science and Technical Awards held earlier.

10:06PM – Thor and Charlize Theron presenting the Sound awards

10:07PM – Gravity wins for Sound Mixing

10:09PM The guys who won the last award were lined up like a staircase: Tall, shorter, shortest. Hilarious.

10:09PM – Gravity wins for Sound Editing

10:11PM – Christoph Waltz shows up to present Best Supporting Actress. I’d be happy with either JLaw, Lupita, or June Squibb.

10:14PM – Lupita wins! She was fantastic in 12 Years a Slave. JLaw was great in American Hustle, but Lupita gave a powerful, heartbreaking performance. Congratulations!

10:21PM  – Brad Pitt helping Ellen hand out pizza slices. Han Solo wants a slice.

10:25PM – Academy President: Look at all this great shit we’re doing! Who gives a crap?

10:25PM – Bill Murray and Amy Adams presenting Cinematography. C’mon Roger Deakins for Prisoners!

10:27PM – Bill Murray gives a nice shout out to Harold Ramis before presenting the Oscar to Gravity.

10:29PM – This guy looks like Kenny G

10:29PM – Anna Kendrick – mmmmmm……

10:30PM – Gravity wins for Film Editing.

10:32PM – Alfonso Cuaron was like, “Buddy, I might not win Best Director, can I talk?”

10:35PM – Whoopi Goldberg introduces Pink to celebrate the 75th Anniversary of The Wizard of Oz. Why aren’t they letting Christian Bale commemorate the 75th Anniversary of Batman?

10:42PM – Ellen in a Glinda the Good Witch costume. Funny. She introduces Jennifer Garner and Benedict Cumberbatch, presenting Achievement in Production Design.

10:44PM – Great Gatsby wins for Production Design, which makes sense.

10:46PM – Channing Tatum is sitting next to Jamie Foxx. Wonder how that White House Down postmortem is going?

10:47PM – Chris Evans presents movie montage featuring heroes. Lots of great moments in this and it features music from Inception, which makes sense since every movie trailer since has ripped it off.

10:53PM – Glenn Close presenting the In Memoriam portion of the show.

10:54PM – Gandolfini is the first. He was great in Enough Said.

10:55PM – Stuart Freeborn, creator of Yoda.

10:56PM – Peter O’Toole. Everyone holding their applause until the end it looks like.

10:57PM – Harold Ramis is in there

10:57PM – In Memoriam ends with Philip Seymour Hoffman.

10:58PM – And here comes Bette Midler to sing “Wind Beneath My Wings.” Why? I liked it better when they just ended the section with silence. At least they didn’t have her sing DURING the montage like they did with James Taylor last year. That was a disaster.

11:01PM – Dirty A and I are talking shit about Bette Midler. What can I say? We’re Ruthless People.

11:05PM – Goldie Hawn shows up to present the montages of the last three Best Picture nominees. The last one she talks about is the one that should win.

11:08PM – The only rug John Travolta won’t cut is the one on his head.

11:10PM – As much as I want U2 to win, this damn Frozen song is probably unstoppable. Hell, I’d rather see Happy win over this.

11:12PM – They showed the conductor of the orchestra. It’s Patrick Stewart! He finally got his dream!

11:14PM – Jamie Foxx and Jessica Biel presenting Best Original Score to……Steven Price for Gravity

11:16PM – Now they’re presenting for Best Song. c’mon U2!

11:17PM – Ugh. “Let it Go” wins.

11:23PM – Penelope Cruz and Bobby DeNiro show up to present the writing awards.

11:24PM – Best Adapted Screenplay goes to: 12 Years a Slave, John Ridley.

11:26PM – So glad 12 Years won.

11:27PM – Best Original Screenplay: Spike Jonze for Her! Nice!

11:31PM – Angelina Jolie and Sidney Poitier presenting Best Director. She is absolutely gorgeous.

11:35PM – Best Director goes to: Alfonso Cuaron for Gravity!

11:35PM – Dirty A: Angelina Jolie says, “I knew I shouldn’t have given up that role!”

11:37PM – Dirty A: Alfonso Cuaron reveals Warner Brothers is run by the mob!

11:41PM – Dirty A: Here comes Daniel Day Lewis, playing Matthew McConnaughey.

11:43PM – Meryl Streep should have been Supporting and Julia Roberts should have been Actress.

11:44PM – Cate Blanchett wins Best Actress in a move that surprises no one. Didn’t see Blue Jasmine, so I can’t comment, but I would have gone with Amy Adams. She was fantastic in American Hustle.

11:46PM – When Cate told Amy Adams how great she was in American Hustle, Amy should have gone up and taken the award from her.

11:48PM – Here comes JLaw to present Best Actor

11:48PM – And getting sassy with someone in the audience – probably Christian Bale or Bradley Cooper

11:49PM – Hope Ejiofor wins this, but it’s probably McConnaughey’s.

11:51PM – And Matthew McConnaughey wins for True Detective!

11:53PM – Shocked he didn’t say, “Alright, alright, alright.”

11:54PM – Dirty A: He just became Rust Cohle! Doug: I spoke too soon.

11:55PM – Will Smith to present Best Picture

11:55PM – Guess what? It’s not After Earth.

11:56PM – Best Picture is…..12 YEARS A SLAVE!!!! Dirty A: Gravity was FINALLY defied!

11:58PM – Dirty A: Take THAT, Armond White!

11:58PM – So glad 12 Years won. Gravity was certainly worthy, but 12 Years truly was the Best Picture of the year. Good show this year. Thanks for following along on the blog! This was fun! See you next year or next week for the next podcast!

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2 Comments

  1. Thank you to Doug and Dirty A for delighting us with this live blog of the Oscars!

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