Here it is, The Hodgepodge Podcast’s 6th Annual Oscars Liveblog! However, if Bohemian Rhapsody takes Best Picture, the awards will lose all credibility and this will be the LAST Oscars Liveblog. The action gets started at 8PM EST, so come back here then for my incessant complaining! Huzzah!

8PM – And the Oscars open with Queen playing “We Will Rock You.” Why didn’t they do their other big hit, “This Movie is Basically Going to Shit all Over Freddie Mercury?” I really don’t want that movie to win.

8:04 – Why didn’t they have Rami Malek sing with them? Oh, wait…..

8:05 – Curious to see how they run this show with no host.

8:06 – Oh, P.S. I’m pulling for The Favourite for Best Picture, but I have a feeling…Roma will win? It’s hard to make a call. This awards season has been all over the place.

8:07 – Tina Fey, Maya Rudolph, and Amy Poehler come out. They should just be the hosts.

8:10 – Best Supporting Actress – Would love to see Amy Adams or Rachel Weisz win this one, but it will probably go to Regina King, whom I love, but she didn’t really do a whole lot in If Beale Street Could Talk – a film that ABSOLUTELY should have been nominated for Best Picture.

8:12 – And the Oscar goes to Regina King! Good for her. This was a category where I would have been happy with any of the actresses winning. They were all great in their films. Regina King is a fantastic actress. If you haven’t seen her cop show, Boomtown, you need to seek it out. It was great.

8:16 – Jason Momoa and Helen Mirren present Best Documentary Feature, which is null and void because Won’t You Be My Neighbor was not nominated.

8:17 – The Oscar goes to Free Solo! I’ve heard it’s really great and needs to be seen in IMAX. I just never got around to it.

8:19 – Lady, you pause for 5 seconds and they play you off. That’s the deal. People need to go to work tomorrow.

8:26 – VICE wins Achievement in Makeup and Hairstyling. Duh. Christian Bale looked EXACTLY like Cheney.

8:28 – I’m happy for these winners and their first Oscar, but this is torturous.

8:29 – Melissa McCarthy and Brian Tyree Henry bringing the funny as they wear all the costumes from the films nominated for Best Costuming. This should go to Black Panther or The Favourite.

8:31 – Black Panther wins for Achievement in Costuming! Well-deserved! That film had incredible costumes.

8:39 – J. Lo and Captain America are here to present Achievement in Production Design. I see this going to Black Panther too.

8:40 – And Black Panther wins again! Wakanda was cool as hell and a big part of that is due to Production Design. Congrats!

8:44 – Wait, Tyler Perry isn’t coming out dressed as Madea? LAME.

8:45 – Alfonso Cuaron wins Best Cinematography for Roma! It was a beautiful film. Well-deserved. Get used to hearing his name tonight. He’s nominated 4-times ALONE.

8:47 – The Queen of Dragons herself, Emilia Clarke introducing Jennifer Hudson to perform a song from RBG that will not be winning Best Song.

8:54 – So, it looks like they’re getting non-Hollywood people to introduce the films for Best Picture. Tom Morello did Vice and Serena Williams is doing A Star is Born.

8:55 – Young Professor X and Okoye are here to present Best Sound Editing.

8:57 – Bohemian Rhapsody wins. Also, those Oscar statues on stage look like coffee filters.

9:00 – Achievement in Sound Mixing goes to Bohemian Rhapsody. The Academy knows that they’re voting on films, right? Not Best Band.

9:01 – But, will anyone thank accused pedophile Bryan Singer????

9:04 – Queen Latifah to introduce The Favourite. So, they are also using people who straddle both worlds. For me, The Favourite was the best film of the year, but I don’t think it’ll win the Oscar.

9:06 – Angela “Should Have Been Storm” Bassett and Javier “Chigurgh” Bardem to present Best Foreign Language Film.

9:07 – Roma wins Best Foreign Language Film! Again, it was a beautiful film. Not my favorite of the year by any means, but probably the most artistic of the films nominated for Best Picture.

9:09 – Keegan Michael Key comes in like Yondu…I mean Mary Poppins, to introduce Bette Midler to sing the song from Mary Poppins Returns, which will also not win Best Song.

9:13 – No offense to Bette Midler, but why not have Emily Blunt perform that song? Hm.

9:14 – These Rolex commercials with past Best Director winners are making me want to go make a movie. By the way, my next novel, Maxim Ultra, is released at the end of March. 😉

9:17 – Trevor Noah introduces Black Panther.

9:18 – Michael Keaton is here to present Achievement in Editing.

9:19 – Bohemian Rhapsody wins for Film Editing.

9:22 – Daniel Craig and Charlize Theron here to give Mahershala Ali Best Supporting Actor, although he should have been nominated for Best Actor.

9:24 – Mahershala Ali wins Best Supporting Actor for Green Book! He’s such a fantastic actor. Well-deserved.

9:27 – Best Animated Feature is coming up. Will it go to Incredibles 2 or Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse? Incredibles was the better film, I think, but Spider-Man had some amazing animation.

9:29 – Laura Dern shows up to talk about the Academy’s new museum that’s opening later this year.

9:30 – Michelle Yeoh and Pharrell here to present Best Animated Feature. Also, what’s that rushing sound? The A/C?

9:31 – Spider-Man wins Best Animated Feature! It was really good, but like I said, I still give the edge to Incredibles. But, I’m glad this won. Miles Morales is a great character and I can’t wait to see more movies featuring him.

9:34 – Kacey Musgraves introduces the song from Buster Scruggs, which will also not win Best Song. Kendrick Lamar couldn’t be there. Will they perform All the Stars?

9:38 – First commercial for The Irishman from Scorsese, De Niro, Pacino, Peci, and Keitel. Netflix staking its claim to next year’s Oscars already. No footage, though, just dialogue.

9:41 – Here come Mike Myers and Dana Carvey – the only reason anyone remembered Queen in the 90s.

9:44 – Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Bohemian Rhapsody and Rami Malek did a great job, but it’s not an Oscar-worthy film with so many historical inaccuracies about Mercury’s life all in service of making the surviving members look better. It’s garbage. Anyway, Awkwafina and John Mulaney are here to present for Best Animated Short.

9:45 – BAO wins Best Animated Short! This short film was so adorable. I loved it!

9:47 – Awkwafina and John Mulaney are back for Documentary Short.

9:48 – Period. End of Sentence wins for Documentary Short! They probably didn’t want to give it to A Night at the Garden, which was about the America First movement in America during World War II. Oh yeah, they were Nazis. Probably didn’t want to glorify that. Hey, wasn’t there an America First movement in 2016…..? Hmmmm…..

9:50 – Hey everyone, just wanted to remind you for the billionth time that Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga will be performing “Shallow.” Give it a rest, ABC. If people ain’t watching now, they ain’t gonna be watching later.

9:55 – Diego Luna and a chef whose name I missed, introduce Roma. If it wins Best Picture, Netflix will have changed the game forever. So, naturally, I’m pulling for it.

9:57 – Ant-Man and the woman who fucked with Unbreakable are here to present Achievement in Visual Effects.

9:58 – First Man wins for Best Visual Effects! First Man really got swept under the rug, but I thought it was fantastic.

10:00 – See? That’s how multiple people give an acceptance speech in a limited amount of time.

10:01 – Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga perform the song that will most likely win Best Song, “Shallow.”

10:07 – Newly unemployed, Kristen Ritter and Beale Street‘s Kiki Layne present Best Live Action Short to Skin.

10:10 – Now, Disney will promote Captain Marvel with stars Brie Larson and Sam Jackson.

10:12 – Green Book wins for Best Original Screenplay. Is this a harbinger of things to come OR is this their consolation prize? (IT SHOULD HAVE GONE TO THE FAVOURITE).

10:14 – Now, Cap and Fury present Best Adapted Screenplay.

10:16 – WOW. BlacKkKlansman wins for Best Adapted Screenplay! This is Spike Lee’s first Oscar.

10:22 – Creed stars, Tessa Thompson and Michael B. Jordan present Best Original Score with a cute interaction. Black Panther all day.

10:24 – Black Panther wins Best Original Score! Beale Street also would have been a worthy winner, but the music in Black Panther was incredible. Ludwig Goransson is the composer.

10:26 – Chadwick Boseman and Constance Wu are here to present Best Song.

10:27 – “Shallow” wins for Best Original Song, as preordained. Good for them. It really is a great track.

10:30 – It’s time for In Memoriam. Let the complaining about who got left out begin as soon as it concludes! Using John Williams music this year. Classy.

10:40 – Barbara Streisand to introduce BlacKkKlansman. Not A Star is Born? Hm.

10:43 – Allison Janney and Gary Oldman to present Best Actor. COME ON, CHRISTIAN BALE!

10:46 – Rami Malek wins Best Actor for Bohemian Rhapsody. SIGH. It’s telling that the clip they showed of him, he’s lip-synching. So, there’s that.

10:54 – Amandla Stenberg and Congressman John Lewis(!) introduce Green Book.

10:57 – Frannie McD and Sammy Rockwell here to present Best Actress.

10:59 – OLIVIA COLMAN WINS! HUGE upset! She was magnificent in The Favourite. So happy she won!

11:03 – Olivia Colman’s speech was so adorable. She was completely shocked. Totally deserved, though. Sorry to Glenn Close. She deserves a career award, but her ultimate problem is that there is a Meryl Streep.

11:07 – Guillermo del Toro is here to present Best Director! He’s so jovial. I love him.

11:08 – Alfonso Cuaron wins Best Director. I had a feeling he’d win this one. So glad that Guillermo presented it to him. The two of them, along with Alejandro Inarritu, are great friends, so that’s a nice touch.

11:13 – Julia Roberts to present Best Picture. She looks great. I need to watch her show on…Amazon? Hulu? I’ll find it.

11:15 – GREEN BOOK wins Best Picture! THANK GOD it wasn’t Bohemian Rhapsody. I really enjoyed Green Book, but it wouldn’t have been my pick. So, as usual, the Producers’ Guild picks the winner. Let that be a lesson to all future nominees.

Well, that’ll do it for The Hodgepodge Podcast’s annual tradition, which will now continue next year, since Bohemian Rhapsody didn’t win. Thanks for reading the liveblog and see you next year!