Welcome to the movies’ biggest party! At my house. In my sweatpants…. Anyway, Doug here with The Hodgepodge Podcast’s 9th Annual Oscars Live Blog! The show starts at 8PM EST, so come back then for the comedy bits and analysis of the actual awards ceremony. Dirty A will be chiming in throughout and we’re looking to have a good time! Follow along throughout the night!

7:25 – Watching the pre-show and we finally learned how to pronounce Haim! Education! Stay in school, kids!

7:45 – PICKS! Of course, if you’re a regular listener of the Podcast, you know that I’m all about Dune and Dirty A’s favorite movie of the year (The Card Counter) didn’t even get nominated. So, they have equal chance to win the big prize. Best Picture is basically between two films at this point: the haunting Power of the Dog and the feelgood CODA. I’m going with Power of the Dog. CODA was great, but I think the Academy may go with the more traditional “Oscar Film” this year.

Aside from Best Actress, the acting awards are practically locked up thanks to the pre-Oscars award shows. So, for Best Actress, I’d like to see Jessica Chastain or Penelope Cruz win. Both performances were great.

Best Director: I’m going with Jane Campion for Power of the Dog.

The other categories, we’ll cover as they come up through the night.

7:51 – Dirty A’s picks: coda (though i concede pod probably wins) benedict cumberbatch (though likely smith wins) kristen stewart encanto troy kotsur ariana debose (didn’t see wss, though) jane campion

8:00 – Show opens with Venus & Serena Williams!

8:01 – They will not be singing.

8:01 – They were introducing a live performance by Beyonce for the song from King Richard. She’s performing in Compton. That’s one way to avoid COVID at the theater.

8:04 – It took Dirty A a couple of seconds to realize why the Williams Sisters were there. Hey, we see a lot of movies in a year!

8:05 – It’s also been pointed out to me that these performers are dressed as tennis balls. Clever!

8:07 – DJ Khalid arrives to introduce our hosts – Wanda Sykes, Regina Hall, and Amy Schumer.

8:08 – Dirty A: for a bad voice over actor, beyoncé is a pretty good singer

8:08 – Discussing how COVID has had a hard effect on everyone, Amy says, “Look at poor Timothee Chalamet,” and they cut to JK Simmons. Lol

8:10 – Dirty A: amy schemers best joke is that dress

8:11 – Wanda Sykes’ still got it talking about Sam Jackson’s holes in his resume.

8:13 – After introducing DJ Nice as the music for the evening, Dirty A says, “Club Oscars??”

8:14 – As long as he plays the Beatles if “Drive My Car” wins, it’s all good with me.

8:15 – Amy Schumer bringing the funny. Never thought I’d say that.

8:18 – Amy going in on Aaron Sorkin for making a movie about Lucille Ball and not having one funny moment in it. She’s not wrong. and Dirty A says, “OUUUUUUUUCH!”

8:19 – Daniel Kaluuya and HER to present Best Supporting Actress. This will most likely go to Ariana Debose for West Side Story. And she totally deserves it. She was great.

8:21 – Although, Kirsten Dunst was really good in Power of the Dog.

8:21 – And Ariana Debose WINS! She’s won all the lead up awards, so this was a foregone conclusion.

8:24 – The camera work for this show is kind of wonky. Ariana looked like she was on a Zoom.

8:25 – Dirty A: how did john leguizamo get in there?! haha OBVIOUSLY, he’s the Bruno that everyone doesn’t talk about.

8:28 – Video recap of Belfast. Great film, DESPITE what Dirty A says.

8:31 – Regina Hall is trying get Hollywood hunks on stage for a “second COVID test.” Funny bit. Now she’s feeling up Josh Brolin and Jason Momoa for their “COVID test.”

8:32 – Holy shit, Jason Momoa is HUGE. He and Brolin are presenting achievement in Sound.

8:34 – DUNE WINS. It really was a magnificent film technically.

8:34 – And here comes Dirty A making jokes, calling Belfast “Borefest.”

8:35 – 30th Anniversary of White Men Can’t Jump gets a standing ovation. What planet am I on right now?

8:36 – Ha ha ha ha, Woody Harrelson making a pot joke. How utterly unpredictable. Woody, Wesley, and Rosie are presenting for Best Cinematography.

8:37 – Greig Fraser wins for DUNE! Again, a beautiful film. Woody Harrleson’s joke about presenting providing him with the most speaking time he’s ever had at the Oscars was funny.

8:38 – Fraser did the cinematography on The Batman, so he might be right back here next year.

8:39 – Dirty A on Wesley Snipes’ outfit: wesley snipes up there auditioning for genie. somebody needs to tell him it was already remade

8:42 – Dirty A: ads really in touch with the recession audience , advertising a 100k car

8:44 – The Queen of Basketball wins for Best Short Documentary!

8:45 – Recap of CODA. Just saw it yesterday. Great film.

8:46 – Rachel Ziegler making a crack about her inexplicable non-invite to the Oscars, which was corrected six days ago.

8:47 – DUNE WINS! Best Visual Effects. Well deserved against a lot of tough competition.

8:49 – Tony Hawk, Shaun White, and Kelly Slater here to present tribute to 60th Anniversary of James Bond…? Okay…..sure. LOL Dirty A says “they won a Kickstarter.”

8:52 – Bond video montage set to Live and Let Die. I bet that steams Duran Duran.

8:54 – Dirty A: REBA MCINTYRE!!! …said no one

8:55 – BEST NEWS OF THE NIGHT! Only Murders in the Building coming back June 28th!

8:57 – Video montage for Don’t Look Up. VERY underrated film. Critics were not kind, but I loved it. Dirty A: i’m still waiting to find out why they were asked to pay for snacks!!

8:59 – Stephanie Beatriz introduces Sebastián Yatra singing “Dos Oruguitas” from Encanto. Great movie, but this song does have a melody line that sounds like “Under the Sea.” Still a good song, though.

9:01 – Lily James, Naomi Scott, and Halle Bailey present best Animated Film.

9:03 – ENCANTO WINS! It really was a fun film. Good for them!

9:04 – Dirty A on this guy accepting for Encanto: this guy was not going to be one-upped on the tux stitching by yatra

9:05 – Lin Manuel Miranda isn’t there because his wife has COVID.

9:06 – HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Zack Snyder’s Justice League is the “Top Cheer Moment.” Snyderbot losers.

9:07 – Nothing in Zack Snyder’s movies even comes close to the Avengers assembling in Endgame.

9:11 – Best Animated Short Film – The Windshield Wiper!

9:12 – Video montage for Drive My Car. Still have to see it. We just couldn’t do a 3-hour movie today.

9:13 – They ditched the DJ and brought in a band with Shelia E! Dirty A: That guy thinks he’s Del Novak on those drums.

9:15 – Wanda checking out the Oscar Museum

9:16 – Dirty A has pointed out that the backdrop looks like the AT&T logo.

9:17 – Grandma from Minari! She’s making jokes that she’s not going to pronounce any of these names right for Best Supporting Actor. She’s adorable.

9:18 – So many great nominees, but I think Troy Kotsur has it in the bag.

9:20 – Troy Kotsur WINS! He’s the second deaf actor to win an Oscar. The other is his co-star, Marlee Matlin, who won in the 80s.

9:22 – Grandma sweetly holds Troy’s Oscar, so he can sign his acceptance speech. Beautiful.

9:29 – Simu Liu and Tiffany Haddish to present Best International Film. Probably going to Drive My Car.

9:31 – Drive My Car WINS! BUT THEY’RE NOT PLAYING THE BEATLES!!!!! #MissedOpportunity

9:32 – Dirty A: Drive My Car…until it runs out of gas. It’s a long movie. Lol – the filmmaker just told the band to shut up, “This is my moment!” Good for him.

9:33 – Mila Kunis here to introduce the next Best Song nominee “Somehow You Do” from her movie Four Good Days. She also alluded to the War in Ukraine, which makes sense since she’s from there.

9:35 – In regards to Reba McIntyre, Dirty A says, “wait! she’s not singing “fancy?!??”. bullshit!”

9:37 – A moment of silence for Ukraine and a plea for more humanitarian help. #StandWithUkraine

9:42 – The Long Goodbye wins for Best Live Action Short Film!

9:43 – Lupita N’Yongo and Ruthie Carter to present Best Costuming. Ruth won for Black Panther a few years back.

9:44 – Cruella wins for Best Costuming!

9:47 – John Leguizamo shows up to remind us that “Brown don’t break down,” before introducing the first live performance of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno.”

9:57 – Wanda Sykes comes out dressed as Will Smith from King Richard

9:57 – LOL And Regina Hall comes out as Tammy Faye, while Amy Schumer drops in as Spider-Man.

9:58 – Jennifer Garner, JK Simmons, and Elliott Page to present the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay on Juno’s 15th anniversary.

10:00 – Belfast WINS! VERY surprising win for Kenneth Branagh.

10:02 – Tracee Ellis Ross’s titties are about to make an appearance as she presents Best Adapted Screenplay with Shawn Mendez.

10:03 – CODA WINS! Sian Heder wrote and directed the film. Big win for this little film that could.

10:08 – Video montage shows that the Fan Favorite Oscar idea was one of the WORST ideas in history. Remember kids, there already IS an Oscar for Fan Favorite film. It’s called the BOX OFFICE.

10:13 – Hans Zimmer wins Best Original Score for DUNE! Momoa accepts on his behalf, as I believe he’s touring. Rami Malek shows up to introduce Billie Eillish and Finneas performing the theme from No Time to Die.

10:15 – Dirty A has…thoughts about the Fan Favorite montage. Army of the Dead was an incomprehensible mess and he has a hard time believing anyone liked it. Of course, if it has any shot of winning, it’s just due to the Snyderbots.

10:21 – Achievement in Editing is awarded to, you guessed it, DUNE! Still can’t believe Denis Villeneuve didn’t get nominated for Best Director.

10:23 – Regina and Wanda handing out “Consolation Prizes.” One was an unseen movie called The Last Duel. Lol!

10:25 – LOL they told Judi Dench needs to “Work harder!” “A quote from Kim K.”

10:25 – Chris Rock making with the funny. “No masks. Everybody breathing raw dog out here!”

10:27 – HOLY SHIT Will Smith literally punched Chris Rock for making a joke about Jada! WHAT THE FUCK?

10:28 – Summer of Soul wins Best Documentary! Questlove!

10:30 – Oscar-Winner Questlove! Now HE’S the host of the Tonight Show! Take that, Jimmy!

10:32 – That’ll be an interesting acceptance speech if Will Smith wins. Yikes.

10:33 – Diddy shows up to introduce a video montage of The Godfather for its 50th anniversary.

10:35 – Francis Ford Coppola, Al Pacino, and Robert De Niro speak to the audience.

10:37 – Diddy trying to pump up the crew backstage on his way back with De Niro.

10:40 – Tyler Perry talking about the late great Sidney Poitier, introducing the In Memoriam segment.

10:42 – Oh! Bill Murray talks about Ivan Reitman.

10:43 – Dirty A on the choir singing during In Memoriam: “i guess these people are more expendable than an a live orchestra.”

10:44 – Jamie Lee Curtis talks about our angel, Betty White.

10:45 – They haven’t gotten this segment right in about a decade. Then they have a link for people to watch all the other people they couldn’t get to.

10:49 – Best headline from IndieWire: “‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’ Wins Most Cheer-Worthy Moment at the Oscars — to No Cheer in the Room.” LOL That’s because no one in that room, save Momoa, watched that fucking movie. Meanwhile, Avengers: Endgame is the second highest grossing film of all time. People saw that movie.

10:51 – Best Production Design goes to DUNE!

10:52 – Zoe Kravitz and Jake Gyllenhaal present Best Original Song

10:53 – If Lin Manuel wins, he becomes an EGOT.

10:54 – But, Billie Eilish wins for No Time to Die. Better luck next time, Lin.

10:56 – Dirty A: EGOT-ta wait for that title.

10:56 – Kevin Costner making people think he saw a porno not far from the theater. Cheeky.

10:58 – Dirty A: “Can they please DJ Costner off?”

10:58 – Oh, he’s presenting Best Director. Thanks for getting around to that, Kevin.

10:59 – Jane Campion WINS! She is the first woman to be nominated for Directing twice. She says all her fellow nominees are immensely talented. Spielberg appreciates that.

11:01 – Dirty A on Jane Campion’s win: “somewhere, sam elliott just got gruffer.”

11:02 – Jada Pinkett Smith has alopecia areata, so her bald look is not by choice. So, Rock’s joke was pretty shitty. He got smacked, but he should be apologizing to Will and Jada.

11:07 – Uma Thurman, Sam Jackson, and John Travolta show up in a Pulp Fiction reunion.

11:08 – They’re here to present Best Actor.

11:08 – Cumberbatch should win, not just for Power of the Dog, but for The Courier and The Electrical Life of Louis Wain, which were also great performances by him last year.

11:10 – Will Smith WINS! This is his third nomination and first win.

11:14 – What in the fuck is happening right now with the video feed? Did Will Smith whip out his dick or something?

11:15 – Honestly, just looking at the clips from the films, they probably should have given it to Denzel. I’ll have to watch Macbeth now that we have Apple+. That may have been what hurt him.

11:20 – Best Makeup & Hairstyling goes to the team from The Eyes of Tammy Faye!

11:21 – Amy Schumer making jokes that she’s been getting out of that Spider-Man costume for 30 minutes and asked if she missed anything. Then she treats Kirsten Dunst like a seat-filler. Funny stuff.

11:24 – Anthony Hopkins gets a standing ovation as he comes out to present Best Actress. I forgot he won last year since he wasn’t there last year.

11:27 – Jessica Chastain WINS! I would have been happy with either her or Penelope Cruz. So happy for her. God, I hope she thanks Bryce Dallas Howard. That would be hilarious.

11:32 – Lady Gaga and Liza Minnelli present Best Picture.

11:34 – And the Oscar goes to….CODA! It won all three awards for which it was nominated. It really is a sweet film.

11:37 – That’ll do it for this year! Thanks for reading along! It definitely wasn’t boring this year! See you next year and listen for the next episode of The Hodgepodge Podcast where we’ll break all this down!