Welcome to The Hodgepodge Podcast’s 3rd Annual Oscar Live Blog! Doug and Dirty A will be listing winners and losers and giving their commentary on the ceremony. Who knows? You might read comments from a special guest! The festivities get started around 8PM EST, so be sure to come back to the site then and refresh often! Thanks for reading!

7:58 – Let’s get this party started! Dirty A and I are joined tonight by our good friend, George Costanz….er…..Matt King! Let’s watch some people give each other some awards!

8:00 – Wait, we might be calling an audible here. Fletch is on cable.

8:02 – Matt: Teen Cancer America says “Who Cares?” We’re off to a good start, folks.

8:03 – Robin Roberts screwing up Leo DiCaprio’s name. He’s sweating now.

8:04 – Matt predicts The Revenant will win Best Picture. My prediction is Spotlight. Dirty A says, The Revenant, but he wants Spotlight.

8:05 – We get it, ABC, “Dream in gold.” Anything to avoid the fact that no people of color are nominated tonight. Dirty A: Kevin Hart will be the first little person to host when they give him the job.

8:06 – Awesome, our first commercial break…already. Switch to Fletch!

8:08 – Dirty A got the Golden Oreos with white cream in celebration of the “White Oscars.”

8:10 – Matt: All the attendees are passing through Michael Strahan’s gap. Keeping it classy. Dirty A: Is he trying to be Michael Jackson?

8:12 – Ha ha ha, Chris Evans’ sister beat him up when they were younger. Now he beats her with his shield.

8:14 – Dirty A: You heard it here first: Chris Rock has a gay pen.

8:15 – I’d give you our picks for Best Actor and Actress, but I think those are a foregone conclusion at this point.

8:17 – Now, back to Fletch…

8:19 – When did Whoopi get that tattoo?

8:19 – It’s the star of Mad Max….Charlize Theron! NOT Tom Hardy.

8:20 – Sweet! The Nice Guys! Can’t wait for that movie!

8:21 – This pre-show is torture. Cue the Jacksons.

8:22 – Sunrise Ruffalo – with that dress, I’d say so. Yowza.

8:23 – Mark Ruffalo is wearing a purple jacket, much like the Hulk’s pants….

8:24 – J.K. Simmons is like, “Let me go back to my seat, lady.”

8:30 – Finally! Let’s get this shit started! Dirty A: What’s this, Tim Burton Presents The Oscars?

8:32 – Hope they show a clip from Jupiter Ascending!

8:33 – That clip montage showed that there was a lot of diversity in film this year…and Star Wars.

8:34 – Chris Rock comes out, not holding back.

8:36 – Jennifer Garner – hope she isn’t seated near Batman.

8:36 – Dirty A: Ha, ha, he is putting white people at ease.

8:37 – Chris Rock just said what we were all thinking about Jada Pinkett Smith boycotting the Oscars – “You weren’t invited!”

8:39 – Chris Rock’s “Black Oscar Categories: Best Black Friend!”

8:41 – Chris Rock: “Creed = Black Rocky” Amen.

8:44 – Matt & Dirty A: Monologue’s done and white people breathe a sigh of relief.

8:45 – Change of format for the Oscars, Emily Blunt and Charlize to give the Oscar for Original Screenplay. Usually, one of the Supporting Acting Awards is first.

8:46 – If Ex Machina wins best Screenplay, I’ll shit my pants, but it will probably be Spotlight. And should be.

8:47 – And the Oscar goes to SPOTLIGHT! Weird, they’re showing Special Thanks at the bottom of the screen to keep the speeches shorter, I guess.

8:48 – Josh Singer and Tom McCarthy win the award for Spotlight. Best movie of the year, for me.

8:49 – Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe (The Nice Guys) are presenting Best Adapted Screenplay.

8:50 – Pulling for The Big Short on this one.

8:51 – Matt and Dirty A are lamenting the clips the show is using to highlight each nominated screenplay.

8:52 – WOO! ACADEMY AWARD WINNER, ADAM MCKAY! THE BIG SHORT wins for Best Adapted Screenplay!

8:53 – Charles Randolph wrote the script with McKay.

8:55 – Bill Macy’s ears are growing exponentially. But he did a great job in that Samsung commercial.

8:58 – Great skit inserting black actors into all the nominated movies.

9:00 – Ha, ha, ha, ha “White Dollars!”

9:01 – Holy shit, they really brought Stacy Dash out!

9:02 – Oh God, “Writing’s On The Wall” is nominated for an Oscar. That song was fucking horrible.

9:03 – Please, don’t make us watch Sam Smith sing this abysmal song.

9:04 – Sam Smith is going for his mid-90s George Michael look

9:06 – Matt: That’s how you know they’re all actors, they’re pretending to like that song. Then Chris Rock caught onto my George Michael joke, yes!

9:09 – J.K. Simmons to present Best Supporting Acrress

9:10 – Note to readers: Rooney Mara and Alicia Vikander were really Lead Actresses in their films.

9:12 – ALICIA VIKANDER wins for Ex Machin….er…The Danish Girl!

9:14 – So far, I think Chris Rock is doing a good job. He’s funny as usual and not shying away from the elephant in the room. If you haven’t seen his great film from 2014, Top Five, be sure to check it out.

9:16 – Remember kids, when they finally make the sequel to Step Brothers, they’ll have to say, “From Academy Award Winner, Adam McKay, Step Brothers 2.” Life is good.

9:19 – Cate Blanchett presenting for Best Costume Design after Chris Rock makes a joke at Carol’s expense.

9:20 – JENNY BEAVAN wins for MAD MAX: FURY ROAD. She also looks like she doesn’t costume herself.

9:21 – She looks like a Gryffindor member of Sons of Anarchy.

9:22 – Tina Fey and Steve Carell to present Best Production Design – Hilarious as always.

9:24 – COLIN GIBSON & LISA THOMPSON win for MAD MAX: FURY ROAD. They at least dressed for the occasion. Looking at you, JENNY.

9:25 – It’s the Joker and Harley Quinn! And Jared Leto is wearing a carnation for a tie, because of course he is. Also, Margot Robbie is super hot.

9:26 – Best Makeup & Hairstyling goes to MAD MAX: FURY ROAD – LESLEY VANDERWALT, ELKA WARDEGA & DAMIAN MARTIN. I don’t know, the makeup on The Revenant was really impressive.

9:29 – Benico del Toro and Jennifer Garner present The Revenant. Del Toro should have been nominated for Sicario, but he’ll have the last laugh in Star Wars Episode VIII.

9:30 – HOLY SHIT! Best joke of the night: A guy dressed as a bear applauding The Revenant. Well done, Oscars. Well done.

9:35 – Chris Rock’s first misstep: Michael B. Jordan shouldn’t have been nominated for Creed.

9:36 – Best Cinematography: Come on Roger Deakins for Sicario!

9:37 – EMMANUEL LUBEZKI wins Best Cinematography for THE REVENANT. This is his third win in a row! Holy shit! He won for Birdman and Gravity the last two years.

9:39 – Sabretooth and the woman from Quantico present for Best Editing.

9:40 – MARGARET SIXEL wins for MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

9:43 – “Black History Month Minute” celebrates…Jack Black. Hilarious!

9:47 – Captain America and Black Panther present Sound Editing

9:49 – MARK MANGINI & DAVID WHITE win for MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

9:51 – Here are Cap and Panther again to present for Sound Mixing. It’ll probably be Mad Max.

9:52 – CHRIS JENKINS, GREGG RUDLOFF & BEN OSMO win for MAD MAX: FURY ROAD

9:53 – It sounded like that guy just said, “Thanks for supporting us in our creative crap.” Lol.

9:55 – Andy Serkis to present for Visual Effects. If anyone should have been nominated for an Oscar by now, it’s him.

9:56 – EX MACHINA wins for Best Visual Effects! Woo! Nice upset.

9:58 – Jason Segal and Olivia Munn are talking about the Science and Technical Awards

10:00 – And Jacob Tremblay is super excited to see C-3PO, R2-D2, and BB-8 on stage.

10:06 – Chris Rock is hocking his daughters’ Girl Scout cookies, trying to beat his neighbor.

10:07 – The Minions are here to present Best Animated Short. This bit is about as disappointing as their film.

10:08 – “Bear Story” wins! So, if you had that in your Oscar Pool, congrats!

10:10 – Buzz and Woody celebrate the 20th anniversary of Toy Story and present Best Animated Feature, which will be Inside Out.

10:12 – INSIDE OUT wins! PETE DOCTOR & JONAS RIVERA accepting. Doctor won for UP a few years ago.

10:13 – Ha ha, Chris Rock introduces Kevin Hart as “Next Year’s Host.” He’s probably right.

10:14 – Not sure why they cut the audio on Kevin Hart. He’s introducing The Weeknd singing “Earned It,” from Fifty Shades of Grey? Sure, why not.

10:17 – Matt and I thought the woman dangling from the ceiling was a boom mic.

10:18 – “Earned It”: Is he talking about the beatings Christian Grey hands out?

10:22 – Dirty A: Little too much rouge there, Reese. Matt: She’s going to play the live-action Pinocchio. 

10:24 – Dirty A: Go home, Cameraman, you are drunk.

10:26 – Chris Rock’s Man on the Street bit is hilarious.

10:28 – Patricia Arquette to present Best Supporting Actor. Dirty A: Oh Geez, she’s on cough medicine.

10:31 – MARK RYLANCE wins for BRIDGE OF SPIES. He was really good in a decent film. Still don’t think the film should have been nominated for Best Picture.

10:33 – Matt: I think Kate Capshaw is going to shoot Barbara Gordon after this. Kudos if you get that joke.

10:34 – Dirty A is pretty sure that bumper music was the same as in Will Forte’s inspirational dancing coach skits on SNL.

10:37 – Louis C.K. presenting Best Documentary Short Film and enters to the Pink Panther Theme. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Louis C.K. in the next Pink Panther debacle!

10:40 – Best Documentary Short Subject goes to MAD MAX! Oh wait, Louis was kidding. The real winner is A GIRL IN THE RIVER.

10:41 – Dev Patel and hot, hot Daisy Ridley to present Best Documentary Feature.

10:43 – AMY, the film about Amy Winehouse wins.

10:49 – Chris Rock raised…….$65, 243 for Girl Scouts! Lol

10:51 – Meryl Streep shows up on screen. Dirty A’s response? “Fuck you.”

10:54 – Picked out the back of J.J. Abrams’ head because he looks like Barton Fink.

10:54 – Academy President is putting Dirty A to sleep. He’s snoring like The Three Stooges.

10:55 – Oh geez, they’re doing the music live during In Memoriam again? I mean, I like Dave Grohl and all, but I can’t stand that they do this.

11:02 – Remember everybody, we all dream in gold. Y’know, like Scrooge McDuck.

11:05 – STUTTERER wins Best Short Film, presented by Jacob Tremblay and Abraham Attah, two kids who probably should have been nominated for Best Actor.

11:08 – SON OF SAUL wins Best Foreign Language film

11:09 – Or as Matt calls it “Son of Saul Goodman.”

11:10 – Joe Biden, I love you, but you’re no Indiana Jones. 😛

11:11 – Diamond Joe sounds like he’s making a speech at the DNC. He’s here to talk about sexual assault and introduce Lady GaGa, who’s doing her best Cher impression.

11:15 – Lady GaGa’s performance is the epitome of “This is an important message, but look at me! LOOK AT ME!”

11:19 – I’m sorry, but this Rock, Paper, Scissors Android commercial is adorable.

11:20 – Quincy Jones and Pharrell present Best Original Score

11:22 – ENNIO MORRICONE wins for THE HATEFUL EIGHT.

11:23: Dirty A: Fuckin’ pieces of shit putting all these old people in the balconies!

11:24 – They cut to Danny Elfman and Dirty A says, “Hey, there you are you weird freak! I love him to death, but he is one weird dude.”

11:27 – WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK? “WRITING’S ON THE WALL” wins for Best Original Song. Now Sam Smith looks like Jude Law.

11:29 – Dirty A: “Olivia Wilde is auditioning for Zardoz Part 2.”

11:35 – J.J. Abrams presenting Best Director. That’s just cold.

11:38 – And the Oscar goes to ALEJANDRO INARRITU for THE REVENANT. He’s the first director to win back-to-back since John Ford back in the 40s. And….they’re playing him off. Seriously? Maybe cut back on the Girl Scout bits next time.

11:44 – Eddie Redmayne shows up to buy Earth – no wait, that was Jupiter Ascending. He’s here to present Best Actress.

11:48 – BRIE LARSON wins for ROOM! Strange song to play her onto stage, a little….happy for that film. Well-deserved. If you haven’t seen Brie Larson in Short Term 12, you need to see that film now. Well…tomorrow, it’s late now.

11:52 – Julianne Moore is here to present Best Actor. If Leo doesn’t win, I bet he blows up the theater.

11:55 – LEONARDO DICAPRIO FINALLY wins his Oscar for THE REVENANT!

11:57 – Leo drops the mic on climate change. Dirty A and Matt are shocked that they didn’t play him off after going on for so long. Probably because he’s white.

11:58 – Morgan Freeman here to take us home….FINALLY. Presenting Best Picture.

12:00 – SPOTLIGHT WINS BEST PICTURE!! WOO!

The right film won Best Picture and we finally bring this to a close three and a half hours later. Cut it down next year, Oscars. Thanks to everyone who dropped in on the Live Blog and we’ll do it again next year! See you on the next episode of The Hodgepodge Podcast!