Here it is! Our 7th Annual Oscar Live-Blog!

8:05 – Starting a little late, but I’m not sure what I just saw at the end there. Cool they got Janelle Monae, though. She’s fab.

8:08 – Steve Martin: What a demotion!

Love him. He and Chris Rock doing a good opening here.

8:10 – Dirty A: remember way back when when they weren’t going to call it the oscars anymore….last year.

8:11 – Regina King to present Best Supporting Actor. Brad Pitt has this in the bag, right? Right?

8:14 – And Brad Pitt finally wins his first acting Oscar! He has won in the past as a producer. Brad making a political statement. Good. Someone has to. Makes a call for recognition of stunt crews and coordinators. He sounds a little verklempt. Nice speech.

8:22 – Beanie Feldstein! Loved, loved, loved her in Booksmart. And Mindy Kaling! I think people forget she was in Inside Out and very funny. Mindy is presenting Best Animated. Come on Missing Link!

8:23 – Toy Story 4 wins Best Animated film! It really was a great film. I just wanted Missing Link to win for something different.

8:25 Bob Iger, surveying his empire.

8:25 Best Animated Short goes to Hair Love! I have to watch it. I hear it’s great, but I was kind of pulling for Kitbull, which was just adorable. I’m sure Hair Love was great too. Congrats!

8:28 – Josh Gad takes a shot at John Travolta, by pronouncing Idina Menzel’s name correctly. He’s introducing the performance of the song from Frozen II, so that means I’ll take a break and keep eating my pasta.

8:31 – Oh this is actually neat. They’re having a bunch of the other Elsas from the rest of the world sing with Idina. Very cool.

8:36 – Diane Keaton and Keanu Reeves presenting. As they mention, they were in Something’s Gotta Give, but they are playing it like they’d rather be anywhere else but presenting at the Oscars. Best Original Screenplay.

8:39 – Best Original Screenplay goes to….PARASITE! YES! I don’t know, I think it might be able to pull of Best Picture tonight!

8:42 – Natalie Portman and Timothee Chalamet (dressed in a….track suit?) present Best Adapted Screenplay.

8:45 – Best Adapted Screenplay goes to JOJO RABBIT!!!! YES! Such a fantastic film! Taika Watiti, take a bow! I’ve never seen him nervous before!

8:47 – Shia LaBeouf and his Peanut Butter Falcon co-star Zack Gottsagen present Best Live Action Short to “The Neighbor’s Window.” I never get around to watching most of the shorts. I need to make that happen.

8:53 – Maya Rudolph and Kristen Wiig in very…interesting dresses. They did a good job on their “audition” for all the directors in the audience. They’re here to present Best Production Design.

8:56 – Once Upon a Time in Hollywood wins Best Production Design!

8:57 – Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, an “epic masterpiece?” Ennnnh…..not so much. I don’t even think it’s his best film. Anywho.

8:59 – Maya and Kristen show why they should still be on SNL – because they’re hilarious. As they present best Costume Design to….Little Women!

9:00 – Kristen Wiig’s “lasagna noodle dress” is troubling special guest, Mia Peters. Lol

9:01 – Chrissy Metz is here to sing the song from Breakthrough. Time for dessert.

9:08 – Mark Ruffalo to present Best Documentary Feature.

9:10 – American Factory wins Best Documentary Feature! I have to watch that on Netflix. Now that my play is over I’ve got time.

9:11 – This is a good speech. Julia Reichert did a great job honoring the other nominees.

9:13 – Learning to Skateboard in a War Zone (If You’re a Girl) wins Best Documentary Short Subject.

9:16 – Mahershala Ali is here to present Best Supporting Actress. Laura Dern has this locked up, right? Right?

9:18 – Laura Dern wins Best Supporting Actress for Marriage Story! Well-deserved, but all the nominees put in fantastic performances.

9:25 – “Evening, Usnavi!!” Lin-Manuel Miranda gives a shout out to Partners and Crime “Turtle Power” as he introduces a movie music montage. Respect, Lin. Respect.

9:30 – Oh wow, Eminem shows up to sing “Lose Yourself!” I can’t remember if he sang it the year he won. And they are bleeping the fuck out of it. Lol.

9:31 – “so funny watching these rich white people making faces like they understand some deep struggle.” – Dirty A

9:36 – Oscar Isaac and Salma Hayek do a nice little bit as they present Sound Editing

9:38 – Ford v. Ferrari wins for Best Sound Editing! So far, not looking so hot for 1917….

9:39 – Best Sound Mixing goes to….1917! Well, I guess they showed me. Lol

9:42 – Randy Newman to sing his nominated song from Toy Story 4. It’s no “You’ve Got a Friend in Me.”

9:49 – What the hell is this? A recap? THAT’S MY JOB, MY DUDE.

9:50 – Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus are here to present Best Cinematography. They are hilariously confusing Cinematographers with Production Assistants.

9:52 – Roger Deakins wins for 1917! Well-deserved. He is a master. After being nominated a ton of times, he finally won a couple of years ago for Blade Runner 2049. His work on 1917 was great, but that’s how I felt about that film. It was more of a technical achievement than anything else. Won’t be surprised if Sam Mendes wins Best Director and they give Best Picture to Parasite or something.

9:55 – Will and Julia reveal that they were actually in a lot of fantastic movies this year until the editors cut them out. Ford v Ferrari wins Best Editing.

9:59 – Tom Hanks shows up to tout the Academy’s new museum that is opening in December. Then he pays tribute to Kirk Douglas by saying, “I am Spartacus.” You’re a good egg, Hanks.

10:03 – Zazie Beetz appears to introduce Cynthia Erivo as she sings the Oscar-nominated song from Harriet.

10:12 – Rebel Wilson and James Corden come out in their Cats costumes. Brilliant.

10:13 – Best Visual Effects goes to….1917. I would have thought that would have gone to Avengers or Lion King. Hm.

10:16 – Ray Romano and Sandra Oh present Makeup and Hair styling. On a separate note, Eminem did NOT perform the year he won the Oscar, so that explains that. Bombshell wins the Oscar! Makes sense, considering the work they did on Charlize Theron to make her look EXACTLY like Megyn Kelly.

10:24 – Penelope Cruz arrives to present Best International Feature Film. She’s fucking hideous. /sarcasm

10:25 – Parasite wins Best International Feature Film! I was afraid that if it made a run at Best Picture, voters might ignore it for this award. It was easily the best film of the year. It should win all the Oscars.

10:28 – Elton John sings his Oscar-nominated song from Rocketman.

10:31 – I think Kelly Marie Tran has had more screen time on this Oscars telecast than she did in all of the Rise of Skywalker.

10:36 – Taika is back to talk about indigenous peoples as well as the Governors’ Awards. Now, Gal Gadot, Brie Larson, and Sigourney Weaver show up to show off some girl power.

10:40 – This year’s ceremony is heavy on music. The first female conductor is conducting a medley of the Best Original Score nominees.

10:42 – Our trio of lady heroes reappears to present the first female to win this award, Hildur Guðnadóttir for Joker. She was pretty much a foregone conclusion for this one, I think.

10:45 – Captain Marvel, Wonder Woman, and Ripley present Best Original Song to….Elton John and Bernie Taupin for “I’m Gonna Love Me Again” from Rocketman!

10:50 – Spike Lee rocking the Kobe Bryant tux to present Best Director.

10:51 – BONG JOON HO WINS BEST DIRECTOR!!!!! Holy shit! What an upset! Parasite, baby!

10:54 – Bong Joon Ho is honoring his fellow nominees, especially Quentin Tarantino and Martin Scorsese. What a great win!

10:56 – Steven Spielberg introduces the In Memoriam segment. Billie Ellish performs “Yesterday.” Just get Sir Paul out here.

11:03 – Olivia Colman to present Best Actor and she’s bringing the funny.

11:05 – How can they show that scene from Marriage Story and NOT give this to Adam Driver?

11:06 – Joaquin Phoenix wins Best Actor for Joker. He was really good, but he’s still no Heath Ledger. I’m sorry. He’s humble as fuck though, and I think that’s great.

11:09 – “WTF is he talking about?” – Dirty A

11:10 – “I think he played Arthur Fleck too long.” – Dirty A.

11:11 – Rami Malek presenting Best Actress. Renee Zellweger has got this in the bag, right?

11:13 – Is Renee Zellweger sitting next to Steve Bannon? She just won Best Actress! She was really good in Judy, even if the movie was just okay.

11:16 – Dirty A: “he’s there to support the pro-nazi flick, jojo rabbit.” – In reference to my Steve Bannon joke.

11:17 – Dirty A: “she looks like she needs glasses….and a coffee.” Talk about a pair of rambling speeches.

11:21 – Jane Fonda to present Best Picture.

11:26 – PARASITE WINS BEST PICTURE!!!!!! HUZZAH! It truly was the best film of the year. Truly spectacular. It’s available on Bluray now, so you should totally seek it out. It just magnificent. A modern classic in every sense of the phrase.

11:31 – Well, that does it for this year’s Oscars and our Live-Blog. So happy that Parasite pulled it out. It almost swept all the Oscars it was nominated for. Such a fantastic surprise. Good night, everybody and see you next year! Thanks for reading!